Let Us Never Speak of this Again

A Place to Go Everyday

I found a job recently!  On that happy note, I present some office related notes I've taken during my working life.

During my first meeting with the head of the office in which I now work I was told that the two most important qualities I should display are discretion and loyalty.  The loyalty part is easy enough because I care about what the new organization I work for does.  The discretion part dictates that I do not go into any detail about what I or anyone else at my new job does with their time.  Unfortunately, I won't be publishing any of the notes I take as part of the things I will be doing at my new job.

Discretion

I like to think I can manage to be more discrete than this American General who reportedly told a Japanese publication that American forces are parachuting into North Korea to keep and eye on the network of tunnels in North Korea, which are invisible to American satellites.  I certainly won't be publishing anything about the network of secret tunnels are my new job.

You can become a more effective office drone by using the following phrases or having others use them for you either over the phone or via email:

• He just stepped out.
• He is in a meeting right now.
• Because of the timing, we’re unable to _____
• He is out of town right now (amazingly few people have countered that in the age of cellphones being out of town is not a valid excuse for being out of reach)
• You just missed him.
• He is on a plane right now.
• He is (insert anything that took place anywhere up to two weeks ago or will take place up to two weeks from now, i.e. Having lunch with xxx, meeting with xxx, is currently xxx etc.)
• I’m sick and have no voice (can be sent to someone via email)

Usually, a cheery "I can take a message" following any of the above is good enough to get the person on the other end of the phone to leave you alone.

Keep it Exciting
Sadly, I don't think my new job will ever prove to be exciting enough for me to discover a foot or a hand in the mail like the two top political parties in Canada or two schools in Vancouver had happen to them recently, as you can read about here.  Yes, this most likely has something to do with what has been labeled as the most disgusting video in the history of the internet in which a guy stabs, has sex with, eats and lets his dog eat another guy.  I'll let you try to find the link yourself.

Anyway, I'm excited about the new job.