Thursday, December 29, 2011

Virginia is for Lovers


They say Virginia is for Lovers.  Apparently, it's not for Newt Gingrich.

Newt Gingrich failed to get himself the 10,000 valid signatures necessary to get on the Republican primary ballot in Virginia as reported in this article from the New York Times.  For whatever reason, people often sign fake names so candidates typically get twice as many signatures as are necessary to make sure they have the minimum number of signatures covered.  According to the 2010 census, the population of people living in Virginia is 8,001,024.  Of those, 23.2% are under the age of 18, which means that approximately 6,144,786 people over the age of 18 live in Virginia.  My calculator says that 20,000 people is less than 1/3 of one percent of Virginians of legal voting age. 

Clearly the outline of the State of Virginia, clearly

Apparently, Newt couldn't get less than 1/3 of one percent of Virginians to request that he be included on the Republican primary ballot.  

Let's Get Serious

Let’s get serious for a moment.

The political system is flawed enough to allow for horrific wealth and income inequality to exist; not a week goes by without a story concerning one of our sports stars being into drugs, domestic abuse and violence aimed at members of the public: In short, we need heroes.

Thankfully, we now have just such a man.

I humbly present Hamblor, the God of Hamburgers.  Hamblor has a number of things going for him:
  • Hamblor has a pair of golden bull statues
  • Hamblor can shoot fried onion strings from his fingers 
  • Hamblor's voice crumbles bleu cheese
  • Hamblor rides a giant St. Bernard, with a barrel of A1 Steak Sauce around his neck
  • Finally, Hamblor has a harem of scantly clad women who share in his kingdom in the clouds
I'd like to know more about the burger god Hamblor. 

Sadly, it looks like Carl's Jr./ Hardee's has given up on Hamblor.  The website only has a static image which mentions a movie that came out in the middle of November.

You get out of that tub and back to work Hamblor!

At 1,060 calories for each Steakhouse Six Dollar Burger 
I'm guessing these girls don't sample the product much

Also where did the golden bulls, shown earlier flanking the flames, go?

Finding Bigfoot

While on the subject of commercials, I would like to point out that more than one person living in America decided it would be a good idea to produce not just one but now a second season of a show called "Finding Bigfoot" about, well, finding Bigfoot.

I on the other hand do not

Here is the link to the promotional video for this ridiculous show.

I'm writing this from a coffee shop while wearing shoes that are coming apart at the seams instead of working at any one of the real jobs I've applied and interviewed for recently.  Meanwhile, advertisers are writing checks to these guys to play around in the woods?  I believe something is terribly wrong with a system that allows this to happen.

Updated on 12/30/11 - Removed a grammatical error from the paragraph on the Virginia Republican primary


  1. Sure, Hamblor is great. But once people find out about his brother, Hamburglar, he's gonna lose all credibility...

  2. You should go out and try to find bigfoot is what you should do. Beats flipping burgers anyway, and you probably don't even need a resume. Yeah!

  3. Bigfoot FTW! Everybody loves Sasquatch rite?

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. the political system is so broken you lost your mind :O

  6. Uh, did I read that right? Of the people in Virginia above the age of 18, a certain percent are somehow also under the age of 18?


  7. Sounds interesting and a little bit funny.

  8. @Heddin - You're right I made a mistake. I've updated the copy to remove the incorrect "above the age of 18" mention. Thank you for the feedback.

  9. Newt is such a hater.

    P.S. What kind of name is Newt? Personal attacks aren't faux pas in politics, are they?

  10. man... a country of how many people and this is really the best they have to offer? The best person in the group is the woman Michelle Bachman... and SHE will not get the nod. Man... gotta get a Legit 3rd party going.I'd vote for that!

  11. That's really interesting!

  12. Where do I tart? every single one masterpiece. Bigfoot- good lord.Read somewhere, "America is land of smartest people and also dumbest". What to say , proud to be in "land of the free and home of the brave".
    Seriously repulican presidential candiacy is bunch of clowns - funny names, funny eyes, funny womanisers, and funny people.
    Obama doesnt need "Osama killer" tag anymore with this sort of opposition candidates.
    That ladies with hamburgers, I guess is "before hamburger" picture I guess. "After hamburger picture should be cover for biggestloser starting season.

  13. Great post!! Hope you have an amazing 2012!!

  14. could Hamblor be related to Gamblor? The spirit of gambling, with fierce neon claws?

  15. Here phantom votes are common. I haven't had a chance to vote in the last two elections due to work and god knows who have been voting on my part.

    Have an eventful 2012 :)

  16. Very true. Happy New Year.

  17. Hamblor sounds like my kind of man.

  18. Sounds like I need to register to vote this year. That is, if Hamblor's going to be on the ballot.