This is Your Brain on Excel

It's Groundhog Day!

Hopefully, today does not repeat itself over and over because work has been stressful lately.  In fact it has been so stressful that last night, I decided to seek a little recreational relief.  I took $20 and caught a bus to 3rd street.  I tried to take another bus to get to D street but there is none in downtown San Diego.  Thankfully, while I was at the bus stop in downtown, I was able to meet an Albanian man named Meriton and we all know that Meriton's stuff is- say it with me now and don't worry that this particular piece of slang has fallen out of popular use:

That's Right, Da Bomb! 

I used my cellphone to record our conversation because I knew as soon as I saw the sweet leather trench coat he was wearing that everything he had to say would make for excellent blog material.

Meriton: Do you know the American actor Liam Neeson?

Roger: That's actually a common misconception you hold.  Despite the fact that he is famous for acting in Hollywood films, Liam Neeson is actually from Northern Ireland.  According to his IMDB page he even operated a forklift for the Guinness brewing company.  

Meriton: You seem to know a lot about him.  You best move off of 3rd St.  Go on. Move it.  Move it!

Roger: I appreciate you continuing the Dave Chappelle allusion (source on YouTube).  But believe me I don't know Liam Neeson.

Meriton: I can't be too careful.  You know that this man delights in killing Albanians, yes?

Roger: Yeah, I've seen the movie.

Meriton: Movie?

Roger: Never mind.  Actually, the reason I'm here is to find something that will help get me through the next week at my job working with computers and I'm wondering if you can, you know, hook me up.

Meriton: My friend, I can help you with this.  There's a cool new thing that all the people who work with computers are doing these days.

Roger: I like where you head is at and am sure that the next thing you have to suggest will be very serious and in no way provide fodder for mild internet humor.

Meriton: It's called Excel.

Roger: (Triple sigh)

Meriton: Keep expanding your lungs.  Excel will expand your mind. My friend, say the tab button starts moving the focus way across the worksheet instead of just one cell to the right, all you need to do is the following, check it:

Turn off transition navigation and turn off Lotus 1-2-3 transition options

Roger: You're seriously offering me tips on using the computer spreadsheet program Excel right now.  

Meriton: You're welcome, my friend.  Here is another: you can toggle the Scroll Lock key to change the function of the arrow keys on your keyboard from moving the focus of one cell to another or move the entire workbook.

Roger: I want to go home now.

To Do
Note to self: I came across these words "the name of human body inside things with map" on this intriguing blog today and now I feel compelled to crudely draw such a thing.